Music to my ears.

Do you blame yourself for things that you have no idea if you could have
prevented? 

Do you feel like everything lies on your shoulders, regardless of if it had
anything to do with you?

Do you believe that you mess things up no matter how hard you try?

Well . . . .  I do.

My son used to love to play the guitar.  He was passionate about it like
nothing else he had ever done.

Here is a video I took of his first band practice at our old church.  This
makes me miss a lot of things.  Sardinia Church of Christ, hearing Griffin play
on stage, and hearing Robby (the former worship leader) sing.


Here is a video I took of his first band practice at our old church.  This
makes me miss a lot of things.  Sardinia Church of Christ, hearing Griffin play
on stage, and hearing Robby (the former worship leader) sing.

He played at church.  He is very gifted.   If he played a song, he didn’t
have to have music after the first time.  He just remembered everything he
played.

I loved to hear him play at night before he went to bed.  It didn’t matter if
it was loud, crazy, head banging music or if it was church songs played
quietly.  I loved it all.

He stopped playing about a year and a half ago.  Completely.  This happened
when my ex-husband left.  This is the part I worry about being my fault.  I
worry that I didn’t handle it well.

 Of course I didn’t.

 But,  I wonder if there was something different I could have done to help
our kids deal with it better.    The saying Hindsight is 20/20 rings so true in
this circumstance.  Griffin has dealt with it by withdrawing.  From a lot of
things.  I’m pretty sure not playing guitar has been one of them.  I’m not sure
if he just gave up on things he liked or what.  I know that he feels like he
doesn’t get to do the things he used to do with his Dad.  This breaks my heart. 

I’m a girl.  I can’t change that, of course.   I try to do things with him
that they used to do.  I ride four wheelers (which I love).  I watch him do the
things he likes.  Like shoot guns.   And play video games.  But, I know that it
will never be the same.  He feels like Bella and I have things in common because
we are both girls, and I have nothing in common with him.   

But, I believe that a Mom cannot replace a Dad.  Ever.   Kids need their Dads
for so many reasons.  I can’t be everything.  No matter how much I try. 

Now for the good part.  The other night I was watching tv (which I rarely
do).  I heard an amazing sound coming from upstairs.

IT WAS MUSIC!!!  Sweet guitar music.  I don’t know what has changed.  Time
really does help, I guess.   The music made my heart smile.  

Every day since then, I have heard him practicing.  Today, I asked him to get
his math so I could help him.  Algebra is killing us. 

He said, can I practice the guitar for a little while first?  

Why, YES.  Yes you can.   He is upstairs now playing the old church songs I
have missed hearing so much.  Bella is singing while he plays.

After all the praying I have done, it seems as if God has showed up.  In HIS
time.  I wanted everything to be better immediately.  But, once again, I see
that things don’t happen when I want them to.  They happen when God is ready.  
My children mean the world to me.  I know they mean so much more to God. 

When people of this world let us down, isn’t it amazing that God never
does?   I serve an amazing God who never leaves me.   That is worth more than
anything this world offers. 

Every single time.




Happy Homeschooling and God Bless.